Hi there,
I’am looking for feedback for a one minute video I have made with CC4 and Iclone8 included rendering in Iclone. I’am very unsure of the result because I’am only working with 3d Animation since 2024. I’am self learning and have no feedback options from other animators. So I hope that I can recieve feedback from other Iclone fans and please be critical. I want to learn and improve myself and that can only with honest feedback. I would be very gratefull. Kind regards, Margot van der Linden. You can see the video on Youtube : https://youtu.be/dy7Fvds1XIE
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I liked it, it’s a great short film, I can tell you’ve put a lot of work into it.
I’m not sure if it was an artistic choice when the characters suddenly stop all movements and freeze. Also the music I think could work better if it would be just one continous song all throughout the whole video. I mean I think I get the intention but I think it would still come across even if the music is more connected through the whole montage.
Around 0:14 there is some glitching in the animation, if that happens and you can’t solve it for any reason, I think it’s just best to cut out those frames from the begining of the clip.
At the end of the same clip the kid’s head suddenly turns towards the camera. Again, I don’t know the artistic intention behind it but it’s just too sudden and unnatural I think. You could use the Direct Puppet or the Face Puppet to create more natural head movements.
But it’s a good first short film, I like that you told a whole story with a clear message. It’s a good start!
OK, here we go:
- The idea and overall execution are not bad (especially if you only started animating about a year ago).
- I do cloth simulations, so I noticed that the skirt of the very young version of the little girl (with the teddy bear) has physics, but the one of the slightly older one (with the violin) does not.
- The report card did not have any grades that I could see.
- There is some foot sliding (e.g. around 0:36) and floor intersection when the father stops to stroke the daughter’s head.
- At 0:46 there is some kind of glitch (probably happened in editing); I also noticed that same shots would end in a “freeze-frame” for a fraction of a second. Probably also something to be fixed in editing.
- The first couple of times I kind of missed the RIP “coffin” indicating that the mom in the picture had passed away. Perhaps this point could be made a bit more clearly, e.g. by reframing the shot. That said, this coffin prop looks a bit creepy (like something for Halloween) and out of style. I would probably have chosen something like a black ribbon across the corner on the picture frame instead, or perhaps a second “photo” in black and white. The candle was a nice touch, though.
There are some logic/story problems:
- Until the girl (as a young adult) leaves, the story is limited to the interior of the apartment and easy to follow. Then there is change to the bar with the dad’s “fake” FB friends. Is that in his mind? A depiction of the way he sees himself hanging out with his virtual friends? I don’t think there are IRL places with people dresses as FB friends, are there? I get the ultimate point, but I think it might have been better to have the resolution also come to the father back in the apartment, for example he could finally notice that his daughter has left.
- The girl and father both get visually older. But the TV is still the same (old-fashioned CRT type) and, apart from the characters, nothing else appears to change in the apartment, which seems strange considering that probably 15 or so years pass over the course of the story.
- The way I understood it the point of the story was that the dad neglected his little girl in favor of his addiction to social media and this virtual friends (which turned out to be fake). OK, fine. However, the little girl did not starve, and her clothes changed also. I would have liked to see whether she took care of herself or if the dad attended to her physical if not emotional needs.
Wow, I’m impressed, Margot! I’m a newbie at iClone myself, and I really enjoyed your short movie. I noticed a few glitches too, but @Nirwana already summed them up nicely and thoroughly.
(And it’s nice to see a fellow Dutch user here — and another woman, for a change! 
)
Also, thanks to @Nirwana for helping so much. I appreciate you, @Nirwana!
Great job!
One of the biggest fix… Super simple…
I know iclone is hard to do transitions to convert stutter-stops.
after we fully render, bring into a video editor.
Snip at the spot that stutters, and fade to black into that spot and then fade from black out of the spot into the next scene. Works great super simple.
There are other things too but I think that would bring quickly to a much better stage.
Dan